Doldrums* and Doubt

The festivities are over, though in actuality some people still celebrate the Epiphany (tomorrow) but since I don't, I have nothing to look forward to on the morrow. This weather and other environmental factors would be the cause of my grey mood. Our room smells of paint and it's reduced of items by half. We don't even have a radio. It's cold, echoey, and bleak. All the familiar wall landmarks have disappeared beneath a coat of off-white paint. Even our bed is in a different position.

Our voices bounce off the walls, reverberating right into the living room and preceding hallway with frightening clarity, making love-making sessions non-existent, although I could also factor in the fact that I'm "on the rag" as a reason. Too much information? Well I figured since everyone was so open about their "other" lives I could be as well. Guess not.


Well the past weeks brought up the idea of Santa Claus and those movies where the idea of Santa was dying and the bringing back of those beliefs etc. Then I thought back to when I was a child and how my parents told me that Santa brought the gifts under the tree (funny enough he used the same wrapping paper my parents used), and I remembered having some friend looking at me in disbelief saying, "you don't still believe in Santa do you?" sometime before third grade. And I said "no of course I don't still believe in Santa".

But in truth I still do believe in Santa. I never thought my parents lied to me into being good. I knew the difference. Even as a child I knew that "Santa" stood for the idea of giving and goodwill and although I entertained the idea of some old man coming into my house to leave me presents, I figured the globe one year, and dictionary the next, were gifts from my Santa parents because that was not what I asked for at all. haha. God. it's allegorical, metaphorical, get it? geez.

But I was shocked to find that people actually take offense to telling their children that there is a Santa because it is in fact a lie. But I have witnessed parents telling their children "uh-oh are you being good? Santa is watching you and if you're bad you wont get a present" which I hate because it's a manipulation and I can understand if those people grow up to dislike their parents for lying to them. Similarly I hate those parents who have a child throwing a tantrum who say "oh mommy's going now, you can just stay there" and then she walks away. She doesn't realize how traumatic that is. Not that my mom did that, she just gave us the "look", but I wasn't one to throw tantrums. heh. Enough spankings teaches you that, and I was a fast learner.

But back to Santa, I dunno what I'd do when I have kids. I guess I wouldn't "lie" to them and have them believe that some old man comes, but it's almost a loss for me because I enjoyed the imagining of some jolly old man leaving me a thesaurus or some new book under the tree. I wouldn't, of course, tell them that they "better be good or else", that's just sad. I'll just learn "the look" and "eyes on the back of my head" lie that mom told us. heh.

By the way, I wonder if Mike remembers going on a mission to hunt out the extra pair of eyes mom had hidden in her hair, and the scary aftermath of that expedition.

I guess I'll teach them the idea of giving and how Santa stems from that. I dunno.

Don't freeze out there!
Me.

*Doldrums shouldn't be a negative word, it really is another name for the "belt of calms". See this article.