Joke of the Day
"Butt Kissin"
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."
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This is an appropriate joke for today because I seem to be having a bad case of chapped lips and can't find my Neutrogena lip moisturizer with spf 15, and though I know I shouldn't lick 'em I do it anyway! Maybe I should get a horse...
Monday, May 31, 2004
Sunday, May 30, 2004
On the Run
So yesterday, after a late start, we headed to the field to go running, however, when we got there, there was a little league game in play and the other field was occupied by the soccer players and their moms. So we headed for the park, but there were a few problems. First, we chose the field because it would be easier running on grass, rather than pavement, and the park is all pavement, unless you want something nasty on your shoes. Second, the field is circular, so that Rich can get ahead of me and still be able to see that I'm safe and not injured, or god forbid, have stopped. The park, on the other hand, weaves through the woods, has lots of blind turns, and is just a tad spooky when you're alone. Third is that it's that time of the month again for me and parts of me are so tender that it hurts like a mo-fo to run or even jog slowly. I take it better on the treadmill because I go slower. So no running for me for a while. We tried a little, just up an incline and back and man, I gotta tell ya, it's harder going for that minute than it is on the treadmill. I was out of breath at the top and when we got to the car I was out of breath again. haha
Beautiful, inspirational weather outside everyone!
Have a great day!!
Me
So yesterday, after a late start, we headed to the field to go running, however, when we got there, there was a little league game in play and the other field was occupied by the soccer players and their moms. So we headed for the park, but there were a few problems. First, we chose the field because it would be easier running on grass, rather than pavement, and the park is all pavement, unless you want something nasty on your shoes. Second, the field is circular, so that Rich can get ahead of me and still be able to see that I'm safe and not injured, or god forbid, have stopped. The park, on the other hand, weaves through the woods, has lots of blind turns, and is just a tad spooky when you're alone. Third is that it's that time of the month again for me and parts of me are so tender that it hurts like a mo-fo to run or even jog slowly. I take it better on the treadmill because I go slower. So no running for me for a while. We tried a little, just up an incline and back and man, I gotta tell ya, it's harder going for that minute than it is on the treadmill. I was out of breath at the top and when we got to the car I was out of breath again. haha
Beautiful, inspirational weather outside everyone!
Have a great day!!
Me
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Joke of the Day
Bubba pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he'd
first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a
warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree
and made love for hours," Bubba recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Brian.
"Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right
there watching us."
"Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her
daughter?"
"Baaaaaaa."
Bubba pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he'd
first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a
warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree
and made love for hours," Bubba recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Brian.
"Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right
there watching us."
"Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her
daughter?"
"Baaaaaaa."
Books
So we finally finished "The Prydain Chronicles". It took us five months to finally get through the 5 books. It's very much like a lot of the things we've read so far. Such as: "Harry Potter Books", "The Chronicles of Narnia", even a little like LOTR. So therefore, it was a good series. I thought the ending was a bit on the sad side, but they seem to appreciate that. We're starting on a new book now. By the way, good reading on Rich's part.
So I'm also reading Running With Scissors, for my own pleasure... although I don't think it's so pleasurable to read. It's too uncomfortably "in your face" with the situations, the description, the total madness of it all. It makes me queasy reading it. I bought it because everyone said that it was extremely funny, and though I can see why they would think so (it's almost slapstick... but i'm not one for that), it just appears sad, misguided and twisted to me. Oh well. I'll have to finish it or else I'd never know! Okee. By the way, have any of you heard of neopets? Just wondering. It's a beautiful day outside... there are tons of lawn equipment out already. The neighbor's lawn mower's going, Rich's dad is grinding that weed whacker (ahaha) something awful. He's 60 and he still doesn't know how to wield that thing.
Hope to have a good jog/run today. Have a great day everyone!
New poll by the way. oh and mary ann won out 8 to zilch over jinja!
Me
So we finally finished "The Prydain Chronicles". It took us five months to finally get through the 5 books. It's very much like a lot of the things we've read so far. Such as: "Harry Potter Books", "The Chronicles of Narnia", even a little like LOTR. So therefore, it was a good series. I thought the ending was a bit on the sad side, but they seem to appreciate that. We're starting on a new book now. By the way, good reading on Rich's part.
So I'm also reading Running With Scissors, for my own pleasure... although I don't think it's so pleasurable to read. It's too uncomfortably "in your face" with the situations, the description, the total madness of it all. It makes me queasy reading it. I bought it because everyone said that it was extremely funny, and though I can see why they would think so (it's almost slapstick... but i'm not one for that), it just appears sad, misguided and twisted to me. Oh well. I'll have to finish it or else I'd never know! Okee. By the way, have any of you heard of neopets? Just wondering. It's a beautiful day outside... there are tons of lawn equipment out already. The neighbor's lawn mower's going, Rich's dad is grinding that weed whacker (ahaha) something awful. He's 60 and he still doesn't know how to wield that thing.
Hope to have a good jog/run today. Have a great day everyone!
New poll by the way. oh and mary ann won out 8 to zilch over jinja!
Me
Friday, May 28, 2004
Joke of the Day
A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"
A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"
The Sun'll Come Out...Tomorrow?
This past week has been nothing but rain and rain and rain. Yesterday, after the rain, the sun came out and it was actually very pleasant. But I woke up this morning to the sound of cars whizzing over wet road, so it must have rained some time this morning. I hope this doesn't bother my plants too much. I was hoping my strawberries would be red soon but when I checked they had only gotten fatter, and still greenish-white. I blame the lack of sunshine. I was able to get a Crassula (i forget the second part of it's name)... also known as a Jade Plant or Necklace Plant. It is a succulent, part of the cactus family. I hope it gets along with my aloe vera plant. I may take a few pics later and post them up so that y'all can see it. I had two to a pot, so I decided to name them "Rich and Michelle". hmm. Original huh?
Speaking of Rich and Michelle... we've come up with a plan to go running at least once a week, around the old high school. That is part of my exercise regimen. It breaks up the monotony of the treadmill. woo... eh. I'm not a fan of running but it'll be like old times. heh. Okay I gotta run. (Literally).
Have a great day!
Me
Oh yeah, saw the Ms. Butta Face contest on Stern the last few nights. (It's over now) though it was interesting to watch I think they should find someone to produce it better than that. It coulda been much more professional and funnier. Well I really can't say more because they were stupid enough to do it while they were all drunk and even though they think it's hilarious to do it drunk, it's just depressing and pathetic, especially when Howard continually has to remind everyone how drunk he is by saying, "oh I'm so drunk", "i'm sooo drunk right now". I dunno how it is to be drunk but I doubt if I were I would be saying how drunk I am. And Artie, after that drinking mess, you go down 50 points. You were ahead of Stewart but after that Stewart is higher on the list, except Stewart went down 30 points after not warning me that his show was gonna be on vacay! effer. What the heck do I watch now? Yeah yeah, gotta go.
Me
This past week has been nothing but rain and rain and rain. Yesterday, after the rain, the sun came out and it was actually very pleasant. But I woke up this morning to the sound of cars whizzing over wet road, so it must have rained some time this morning. I hope this doesn't bother my plants too much. I was hoping my strawberries would be red soon but when I checked they had only gotten fatter, and still greenish-white. I blame the lack of sunshine. I was able to get a Crassula (i forget the second part of it's name)... also known as a Jade Plant or Necklace Plant. It is a succulent, part of the cactus family. I hope it gets along with my aloe vera plant. I may take a few pics later and post them up so that y'all can see it. I had two to a pot, so I decided to name them "Rich and Michelle". hmm. Original huh?
Speaking of Rich and Michelle... we've come up with a plan to go running at least once a week, around the old high school. That is part of my exercise regimen. It breaks up the monotony of the treadmill. woo... eh. I'm not a fan of running but it'll be like old times. heh. Okay I gotta run. (Literally).
Have a great day!
Me
Oh yeah, saw the Ms. Butta Face contest on Stern the last few nights. (It's over now) though it was interesting to watch I think they should find someone to produce it better than that. It coulda been much more professional and funnier. Well I really can't say more because they were stupid enough to do it while they were all drunk and even though they think it's hilarious to do it drunk, it's just depressing and pathetic, especially when Howard continually has to remind everyone how drunk he is by saying, "oh I'm so drunk", "i'm sooo drunk right now". I dunno how it is to be drunk but I doubt if I were I would be saying how drunk I am. And Artie, after that drinking mess, you go down 50 points. You were ahead of Stewart but after that Stewart is higher on the list, except Stewart went down 30 points after not warning me that his show was gonna be on vacay! effer. What the heck do I watch now? Yeah yeah, gotta go.
Me
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Joke of the Day
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."
