Joke of the Day
Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day and they noticed an old lady sitting on her front steps eating watermelon.
As the two girls walked closer, they realized that the old lady wasn't wearing any panties. Curious, one of the girls asked, "Do you find it cooler without any panties?"
The old lady remarked, "Well, dear, I'm not sure if it's any cooler, but it sure does keeps the flies off the watermelon."
hahaha
Monday, June 07, 2004
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Joke of the Day
"Not So Dumb"
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are gullible.
haha. oh and also two "Men are like" jokes...
Men are like...
..Handguns.
Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
..Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
"Not So Dumb"
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are gullible.
haha. oh and also two "Men are like" jokes...
Men are like...
..Handguns.
Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
..Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Friday, June 04, 2004
Joke of the Day
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded, "Well, heck, if you're that far along you might as well finish the job."
haha
oh one more thing...
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded, "Well, heck, if you're that far along you might as well finish the job."
haha
oh one more thing...
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Dream A Little Dream
Last night I had a very nice dream. Well I think it was nice and I guess that's what counts (well the first part anyway). In the dream I was walking the back roads to our local supermarket, just down the street from us. In real life that road is busied by businesses and condos but in my dream it was all fields, ripe with wheat and golden grasses. It felt close to the very beginning of autumn, when it's still warm and mellow and honeyed. I'm walking the road alone, and i'm close to the supermarket and I look up at the trees and their leaves, and the colors are brilliant. First just a bright yellow, like the color our maple tree gets in the first stages of fall. The next tree is even better, flaming reds and oranges. I keep walking and looking up I see another trees leaves, and this one is the best of all, its leaves are tinged in green and orange, yellow and red, and in the light breeze they stir and seem to glimmer around me. For some reason looking at beautiful leaves gave me a happy feeling and I did a little twirl and spin beneath the tree. That's when I realized that there were a bunch of guys watching me, and when they saw that I saw them they started hooting, and though I was uneasy and embarrassed I walked past them and got to the supermarket. My mom was waiting for me and I told her what had happened and she laughed and continued shopping.
I think it's a sign that something wonderful will happen in the fall, and then something that I may be unsure of (and perhaps a tad embarrassing) will occur but I'll push through and no matter what happens my family will always be there. Or... my inner tree hugger/goddess came out and was shut down by a few, more crude of us, and looking for some comfort I found it in my mom? haha. Whatever. I thought it was pleasant anyway. And I was a bit surprised at my determination to go through the bunch of menacing men instead of finding a different route. Tylenol's "Push through the pain" award goes to me...
haha.
Okay, I'll go post a joke soon.
Nice day huh?
Me
Last night I had a very nice dream. Well I think it was nice and I guess that's what counts (well the first part anyway). In the dream I was walking the back roads to our local supermarket, just down the street from us. In real life that road is busied by businesses and condos but in my dream it was all fields, ripe with wheat and golden grasses. It felt close to the very beginning of autumn, when it's still warm and mellow and honeyed. I'm walking the road alone, and i'm close to the supermarket and I look up at the trees and their leaves, and the colors are brilliant. First just a bright yellow, like the color our maple tree gets in the first stages of fall. The next tree is even better, flaming reds and oranges. I keep walking and looking up I see another trees leaves, and this one is the best of all, its leaves are tinged in green and orange, yellow and red, and in the light breeze they stir and seem to glimmer around me. For some reason looking at beautiful leaves gave me a happy feeling and I did a little twirl and spin beneath the tree. That's when I realized that there were a bunch of guys watching me, and when they saw that I saw them they started hooting, and though I was uneasy and embarrassed I walked past them and got to the supermarket. My mom was waiting for me and I told her what had happened and she laughed and continued shopping.
I think it's a sign that something wonderful will happen in the fall, and then something that I may be unsure of (and perhaps a tad embarrassing) will occur but I'll push through and no matter what happens my family will always be there. Or... my inner tree hugger/goddess came out and was shut down by a few, more crude of us, and looking for some comfort I found it in my mom? haha. Whatever. I thought it was pleasant anyway. And I was a bit surprised at my determination to go through the bunch of menacing men instead of finding a different route. Tylenol's "Push through the pain" award goes to me...
haha.
Okay, I'll go post a joke soon.
Nice day huh?
Me
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Joke of the day
"My son's more successful than yours."
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.
The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful,
in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a
brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his
career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.
"He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a
friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a
stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio
as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell
him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny
are, and ask what line of work his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."
As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."
"My son's more successful than yours."
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.
The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful,
in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a
brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his
career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.
"He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a
friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a
stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio
as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell
him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny
are, and ask what line of work his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."
As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."
Cats and Dogs, Death and Talent Shows
It's been nothing but rainy and wet. Yesterday, in the car, I noticed lightning shooting in the sky and drove through several little downpour episodes. I woke up to rain again this morning. But according to my weather link it should be beautiful Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Last night I had several dreams. The first one was that I was put to death by lethal injection, and before I was killed the thought ran through my mind, (in a slight state of panic) of what would happen when I die? And then they shot me. I "woke" up to find that I was a ghost and several years in the future. I was "haunting" my great, great, grand nephew who insisted on calling me "Ate". haha. It seems as if, in the future, the family kept the line of Filipinos strong and only married other Filipinos. So strong in fact, that my "victim" spoke with an accent. haha
My next dream had me back in grade school. I think the teacher had split us into a few groups, so we could perform something for the talent show as a whole. I was in a group where we had to perform "Mary's Little Lamb". My job was to sit in the audience and chant the nursery rhyme while "Mary" pranced around on stage with her little lamb. We had built a set of cabinets where she would "find" the lamb peeking through and such. This was only the dress rehearsal, mind you, so we were just goofing around. After our team was done, I turned to a boy, who looked a lot like, McCauley Caulkin, and he was boasting to me about how he would win the talent show, and I shook my head and claimed that my recitation of Auden's "Funeral Blues" would bring the house down and win me the talent show. I think that's where it ended.
Just a few explanations of the above dreams...I know where they stem from. The first half of dream numero uno, was from talking to Rich yesterday about life longevity and how he and I prefer to die at a not so old age. I worry about feeling trapped inside a decrepit old body while my mind feels only 14. Also he mentioned how people are trying to find the "fountain of youth" by keeping our cells from aging and in my mind I had thought, oh no! we're all gonna have death clinics where people will just line up outside and they just give you a shot and you're dead. What if these cells mutated and had us living biblical spans? But that's the first half of the dream. I don't quite know where the second half came from...
The second dream all comes from talking with Mike about his talent competition. He's made it to the final round! yay Mike. I think the Caulkin boy might be his friend Aaron, who's also competing in the show. well there ya have it! I'll post more later. Have a great day peeps!!
Me
It's been nothing but rainy and wet. Yesterday, in the car, I noticed lightning shooting in the sky and drove through several little downpour episodes. I woke up to rain again this morning. But according to my weather link it should be beautiful Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Last night I had several dreams. The first one was that I was put to death by lethal injection, and before I was killed the thought ran through my mind, (in a slight state of panic) of what would happen when I die? And then they shot me. I "woke" up to find that I was a ghost and several years in the future. I was "haunting" my great, great, grand nephew who insisted on calling me "Ate". haha. It seems as if, in the future, the family kept the line of Filipinos strong and only married other Filipinos. So strong in fact, that my "victim" spoke with an accent. haha
My next dream had me back in grade school. I think the teacher had split us into a few groups, so we could perform something for the talent show as a whole. I was in a group where we had to perform "Mary's Little Lamb". My job was to sit in the audience and chant the nursery rhyme while "Mary" pranced around on stage with her little lamb. We had built a set of cabinets where she would "find" the lamb peeking through and such. This was only the dress rehearsal, mind you, so we were just goofing around. After our team was done, I turned to a boy, who looked a lot like, McCauley Caulkin, and he was boasting to me about how he would win the talent show, and I shook my head and claimed that my recitation of Auden's "Funeral Blues" would bring the house down and win me the talent show. I think that's where it ended.
Just a few explanations of the above dreams...I know where they stem from. The first half of dream numero uno, was from talking to Rich yesterday about life longevity and how he and I prefer to die at a not so old age. I worry about feeling trapped inside a decrepit old body while my mind feels only 14. Also he mentioned how people are trying to find the "fountain of youth" by keeping our cells from aging and in my mind I had thought, oh no! we're all gonna have death clinics where people will just line up outside and they just give you a shot and you're dead. What if these cells mutated and had us living biblical spans? But that's the first half of the dream. I don't quite know where the second half came from...
The second dream all comes from talking with Mike about his talent competition. He's made it to the final round! yay Mike. I think the Caulkin boy might be his friend Aaron, who's also competing in the show. well there ya have it! I'll post more later. Have a great day peeps!!
Me
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Joke of the Day
Two Hillbillies
Two Hillbillies in Arkansas were having the blue plate special (Road Kill) at their favorite diner, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down a burger too fast. The first hillbilly said to the other, "Think we otta' hep?" "I reckon," said the second hillbilly.
The first hillbilly got up and walked over to the lady and asked, "Kin yew breathe?"
She shook her head no.
"Kin yew talk?" he asked.
She again shook her head no.
With that he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and licked her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.
The first hillbilly turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever'time".
----------------------------------------
Funny, I should have a theme for every week. Like this week would have something to do with butts or something even more general than that. heh.
Hope you liked it.
Two Hillbillies
Two Hillbillies in Arkansas were having the blue plate special (Road Kill) at their favorite diner, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down a burger too fast. The first hillbilly said to the other, "Think we otta' hep?" "I reckon," said the second hillbilly.
The first hillbilly got up and walked over to the lady and asked, "Kin yew breathe?"
She shook her head no.
"Kin yew talk?" he asked.
She again shook her head no.
With that he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and licked her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.
The first hillbilly turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever'time".
----------------------------------------
Funny, I should have a theme for every week. Like this week would have something to do with butts or something even more general than that. heh.
Hope you liked it.
