Empty Nest

My parents are feeling the syndrome. During this time of mass graduations, my brother is being called forth to graduate as well. Now I found out from my mom that Dad wishes there were more of us kids around, instead of just two. Should I be insulted or not? haha. Weren't we perfect?? No, they're feeling it. No more children, all off to college. It's the opposite of what they have been telling us since we were kids, "When you're out of the house, we'll ___." (Fill in the blank.) But, now what do I hear? That they wished there were more to send off. haha. I think they were planning on a "romantic" cruise together. Romance? That's not in my parents' vocabulary. But this brings me to Julienne's post.

When I go home, my parents don't ever question what I do, but then I don't do anything, but if I did they don't say a word. It's strange because I expect them to. I still expect them to tell me to go to bed at a decent hour and they have never said it since I've been away to college. Sometimes I say things, just to see what my mother would say and she just says, "oh you're grown up, I can't tell you what to do." ahaha. That is crazy. Once, in freshman year of college, did they decide to say something to me about my relationship with Rich, but after that it's never come up and nothing since then. It's as if, as soon as I crossed the threshold to college I was no longer me, but a grown up.

There's an adage that says "You can never go home again," and this is so true. I've experienced it and I realized after reading Julie's post, that she has realized it too. Mike, though he and I have a great time with eachother for two days, if I stay there longer, we're on each others nerves. It's always been like that. But that's stayed the same, what's weird is I seem to be seeing them with the eyes of a stranger...

Will continue this later.

Me

Return

Yes, I feel as if I've stepped back, farther than my family's range and can see them a little more objectively. Like, coming back one weekend I noticed that my parents argue with one another often, and I was a little weirded out by this, but then I realized that this was normal, and that this was their way. Of course I still do feel as if I were only a visitor at the house, and not a member. As if I should watch what I say and how I sit and eat. There are a few quotes from the book, "Girl With a Pear Earring," hang on, gotta go find it. "It was not easy visiting home... home had come to feel like a strange place. I was beginning to forget where my mother kept things,... after only a few months I could describe the house in Papists' Corner better than my family's." (p 76). There are other similar references in the beginning of the book. And similarly I felt this way only at the start of my life away from my family. It's just a matter of getting accustomed to their ways again, and soon enough I am one of them. I barely see them when I'm home and they're both working, and that's something that was once normal but was now a strange experience to me. I've become used to someone always being around to hassle you, or to yell at dogs. It's very quiet the times I'm home and they're sleeping and Mike's at school. I wander around the house, and have to come up with the excuse of gassing up the car, cooking something to eat or picking up Mike from school because it seems too quiet. Doesn't help that we live in a wooded area, and a lot of the noises of the main avenue barely can make its way up our hill. Unlike here where the main road is our backyard and our days are filled with morning traffic and late evening traffic and the bustle in between. The above adage is defined on clichesite.com as meaning, "Once you make a big change in your life, like leaving your childhood house, things will not be the same." You can never go home again... once you've experienced something else.