Toilet Gnomes
(Sock Gnomes Evil-er Cousin)

Yes, there are such things as Toilet Gnomes. They, unlike their annoying cousin, the sock gnomes, leave things behind rather than have it disappear, but they both serve the purpose of keeping it out of your reach, enough to make you go crazy.

For sock gnomes I have an amulet (what garlic is to vampires). Actually I have two things that keep me from being a victim. One, I know of their existence and they only work well when they are only thought of as "imaginary creatures" or as the liberals would call them "scapegoats". My second piece of protection is that I basically wear one pair of socks and wash them as needed. The s.g.'s are repulsed at my cleverness because they wreak the most havoc when there are so many socks that you cannot keep track of all of them... wait there's a third. The third repellent is to have a cat.

Well since the sock gnome cannot step one foot into our house, he has used all this time to devise a scheme that would cause much grief and humiliation to our duo. He called in his cousin, the toilet gnome. You see how perfect the scheme is? We are basically helpless because we have nothing to secure, everything we bring to the toilet is waste! They're using our waste against us! He also comes through the toilet, thus eliminating (no pun intended) any protection from the cat, although she did follow me into the bathroom and jumped onto the lid of the toilet. She knows something. And because toilet gnomes aren't well known Rich and I believe it's just rust and sediment.

But I'm onto your game! A little late though because he has come and gone.

It started maybe a few months ago. We noticed that there was this stuff at the bottom of the toilet that no amount of flushing could get rid of. So we took to cleaning it but the instruments for cleaning it could not reach the spot! So we left it. Then a few weeks later another spot appeared, this time at the opposite end! Still we accepted it after not being able to get rid of it. It seems that the evil gnome has placed it at that "dry" area or what I call the "eye of the toilet" where it is quiet and calm and no water can reach properly.

Well we have had some amount of humiliation because it's a brownish rusty color and if people were to use the toilet it looks... well you know.

But now here's the clincher. While we were in New York for a week it doubled! Imagine our surprise when we stepped into the bathroom to relieve ourselves and (I always check just in case) lifting the lid I find that now it's a "diamond" pattern at the bottom of the bowl!! No one used it for a week and it doubled! Not only doubled but made a pattern!

Alright, you clever gnomes, you got us! (Did I mention that this was the fifth way to repell them; to admit defeat. They hate that.) And by the way, it's very pretty. You must be an accomplished art gnome in your spare time (they hate when you compliment them too). Man, did you get us good! We bow to you!

(What they don't know is that Rich and I don't care anymore. We're leaving in 21 days. hehehe. Last laugh's on us.)

So take the necessary precautions and don't let this happen to you. If you have similar gnome stories, we'd love to hear from you.

Me.