I hate when I have a brilliant idea and then I let it go 'cause I'm busy or just figured it's so good I could remember it at will, however it never comes again...oh well. Maybe I'll remember it and think it's deja vu or sumpthin because I've had forgotten. Go shawty it's yo buthday. It's humid today but it's cooler so that when I shyly probe my foot from under the covers, which are oppressive, my reward is a cold, sticky foot. I seem to have a bruise on the bottom of my foot too. I don't know what's up with that, Rich and I just thought it was dirt, turns out it's sort of sore and itchy, hmm, what is that? I think I'll make tacos for dinner. mmm...tacos. Last night Rich and I took a stroll around the strawberry patch for less than 2 minutes and I was bitten by some sort of creatures hungry for human blood. I came into the house with 3 new bites. I must exhude a lot of carbon dioxide...or I'm just a magnet for females of the species...or don't have the testosterones to be able to command respect (like with dogs). Or, I smell nummy. It always comes back to that. I'm thinking of a new blogspot name and blog. My brother has two and I thought maybe it would be nice to have one just for myself without having it public, then I wouldn't have to worry about editing and I could just blah blah. I'll have to sleep on it.
Me

Today: It is not as hot nor humid as the past few days. I have enjoyed a lovely siesta and have awoken refreshed. I am currently reading A Severed Head by Iris Murdoch. For anyone who has ever seen the movie "Iris" she is the same author of the book I'm reading. She died in 1999 and had suffered from Alzheimers disease. She has written 26 novels, a few plays and a book of poetry. The book is, so far, good reading. I have finished with The Sun Also Rises and funnily enough I must edit my "boring" review from a few blogs ago. It was great, sad and funny. I laughed at one point and was endeared the rest of the way. It's about how the only person who can be in your way to anything is yourself. Jake was the one who would not let himself get closer to Brett and could not see how much she had wanted to be with him, if you disagree, just read the last two pages. After A Severed Head I will be moving on to other books. Perhaps I will read three of four simultaneously. It's more interesting that way. I still haven't finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy which I had put down one day and have not had the chance or mind to pick it up. Don't get me wrong, it was great, (I am on the 2nd book) but I just had other things to do and it got lost in the muddle. So I will have to add that to the mix. Right now I am hungry and must get something to tide me over til supper and then back to reading. I have other issues to deal with so maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow? I dunno, let's see if i'm really here.

Me

Another hot hot day, but as always it's not the heat... The month of June is drawing to a close and I am sitting here in my room typing my life away. I should be off doing wonderful things, perhaps traveling the world or some such. Maybe I'll talk my brother into the peace corp and live vicariously through him. I must warn anyone who wants the slightest bit of freedom to never get into a relationship, it's tough to do things individually, everything is a compromise, everything must be thought of with the other in mind. That may sound good to those who've never experienced this but it's really quite bothersome in some respects. I really have no right to get up and go anywhere I please for a few months. And then I tighten the bonds even more so by adding a cat into the mix. I love them both but someone has to give you all the pros and cons of a life like this (very similar to marriage), in a way it is marriage without the paper...anyway Rich and I are dreaming of Europe, Italy, for the specific, and tried to disillusion one another from even thinking of it. I said, "oh it's gonna be like Martha's Vineyard, we're not rich enough to know where all the "right" spots are" and he agreed saying, "yeah, walking around someone's neighborhood and only seeing the shanty towns, like those college kids who backpack around Europe." Which was true. Rich and I "backpacked" around MV and consequently Rich got a sunburn and we were sore at the bad food they had at shanty town, also we didn't know where we were going and had to hike and hike everywhere. Although there were some good moments it's not something I'd like to do over. And so if we were to imagine europe to be this way it would be ten times worse because we would be lost in a foreign country that most likely would not have people who speak english. P.S. i dont want to go where the tourists are but then those are the only spots to be huh? is everything else shantyville? I do want to see the "sights" but I'd also like to see where the upper class live. haha Well if i wanted that I should have found a rich guy and not someone named Rich. oh well, so is life, and everything is fine.
Me

Noo!! A whole new format for my blog? How can this be? Without rhyme or reason they just suddenly spring this upon me! No warning whatsoever! I just want to say "congrats" and "big ups" to my bro Mick for passing the ever grueling road test...wut wut. It's sweltering here in New England and since we have run out of propane, one of the main reasons for liking summer has suddenly died, just like the flame on my grill today(see a previous blog). Must be Rich's "lucky" sandals' fault... heehee My fish are slowly coming up to a decent boil and I've begun to set our bowls and spoons for the soup or maybe fish chowda but Rich had the rather brilliant idea of placing a ziploc bag of ice next to the tank to "keep them cool". Sometimes I wonder about him... I worry about my poor cat. It must be really tough having an all year fur coat on even on a day when the temp is 96 degrees. She lays around all day, sleeping or trying to keep her tummy cool on the tile by the door. The only time she can walk around is at night when the temp has gone down. I see its effects on everyone (the heat that is) . I caught a scowl from a fellow driver on the road. Poor man has never heard of the A/C button in the car. I don't know what Rich has been taken in but what's coming out sure aint a fancy treat and in this weather, my god, it lingers in the air for hours.
Is it me or does every one have bad breath?

I'll leave it at that...
Me

So back to The Sun Also Rises which I should have done by tomorrow. So far though...boring. Maybe I'll appreciate it more when I'm older? I dunno.

Sorry for such a bad blog. Will write more someday.

Me

Well I've gone mad and have read Harry Potter in its entirety and all I can muster is "good god what a mess" I must catch the sleep wagon and bid thee a lovely farewell and good evening.

Me

oh my gosh Harry Potter!!!!!! I know some of you gosh darn geeks have already been to the midnight release of it and now are probably half way through but I swear to gosh! The Sun Also Rises be damned I will not read you until I have tamed this insatiable craving for Harry Potter. Delivered at 10:30 this morning. Gotta go. I'll write someday...

Me

Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you bounce high, bounce high for her too,
Til she cry 'Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!'


Do you understand this? For once you do, you will understand the secret to life.

haha. me

damn i love the summer. (tomorrow is the official beginning of summer). I have a horrible rash on my calf. (see previous entry) or it could just be a mosquito bite...outside the propane is being twisted into life and there's a lovely smell of meat fat dripping into the waiting tongues of flame. (sorry any vegetarians and vegans out there). I'm reading The Sun Also Rises and should be done by Monday, although it's sorta dragging. After that is Harry Potter book 5 and after that is the severed head. I'm also simultaneously reading The Confederacy of Dunces and after all that I think I'll read Memoirs of a Geisha, or is it just Geisha? And then....Girl With A Pearl Earring. Mmmhmm that's why I like the summer. My blue fish seems to be doing better, however this could be the inevitable period when they seem so well but then suddenly die. He tried to commit suicide the other day when Rich and I cleaned out their tank. We left them in the bathroom in cups, waiting for the water to go through the filter and it went like this: Rich suddenly came into the room and asked, "Michelle, where's the blue fish?" I said, "What? What are you talking about?" (i said this a bit tersely because I don't like being interrupted in the middle of Gun Dealer) and he went into the bathroom and said "come here quick!" and I ran out and saw that he was squatted beside this poor little speck on the floor and I said "hold on lemme git Sooty" (because I'm a sadist and I wanted to have my cat eat the fish on the floor) but suddenly Puff-a-gill leaped into the air and Rich quickly placed him into his cup and filled it with water and we rushed him into his tank. But he didn't seem to be eating for days and just seemed lethargic but suddenly he's been eating his food and swimming around. I even caught him puff-a-gilling Fancy Fins. (They're blue and red beta fish). look it up. Hey did y'all know that life is a m-f-er ? But not in the summer! Be good...p.s. what's up with Jewel?
Me

The dog likes to lick my calves as I stand at the kitchen sink to wash my newly ripened strawberries. It's very annoying to have the dog do that almost to the point where I want to kick her in the face "accidentally" of course. But that would be mean, even though she isn't my dog. My cat rather enjoys chasing after her and scaring her a tad. The problem is the dog is attached to me and why? I have no clue. It happened long before I dropped a bit of sandwich and she scooped it right up before I could. I think she likes the way I smell, but doesn't everyone?

Me

Oh be sure to read poetry aloud. It stems from the oral tradition. It is not just read but felt, acted, and experienced by all senses. Have a good time, not all poetry is difficult, or it doesn't have to be. Don't be focused too much on the "why" of something, just relax and enjoy. Be in the moment.

I know you're all thinking, "man, whatever she's smoking I want some too" but seriously that's how life is too. Relax and enjoy because life is hard and then you die.

Me.

P.s. supermarkets sell the "idea" of things. What we feel is the "idea" of things. The real thing would blow your mind.

Speaking of poems, here is a poem I am especially touched by. It is written by Laura Gilpin and it is called "The Two-Headed Calf"

Tomorrow when the farm boys find this
freak of nature, they will wrap his body
in newspaper and carry him to the museum.

But tonight he is alive and in the north
field with his mother. It is a perfect
summer evening: the moon rising over
the orchard, the wind in the grass. And
as he stares into the sky, there are
twice as many stars as usual.

Here is my poem:

CADENCE


The simple rhythm of permissions
and persuasions flung against the wall
and archly abandoned on the floor.

Slow murmurs and mumbles mounting,
Muffled against the shuffle of sheets.
Impromptu syncopation aroused

By repetitions.
The staccato
Increases
pulsing

coming

to completion.

Faint, muted, blurred and blushed,
Rumpled, tender, lulled and hushed.

Whoever says that writing poetry is easy is out of their minds. They must realize that there is alot of thought that goes into thinking of the right words; like deciding which word between stone and rock. Stone makes you think of round, smooth, worn away, pebbly. But rock has a jagged quality to it. Like cliffs and craggly rocks. I am barely done with my poem. Note I will post it up once I am done with it. By the way I am done with reading Black Water and I dislike it for many reasons. It ends unhappily, and it leaves me with an unsatisfactory feeling, it is very pessimistic. Nothing that I wanted answered is answered. However it is written very well and can be enjoyable if you were just reading for the words and not for the plot. I have to think more on it and maybe I'll come up with more answers or a better clarification. I have just ordered Memoirs of a Geisha on Amazon.com. And do not forget! Harry Potter is coming to me in exactly a week! I will tell you all about it!

Me

Well it's just dreary here in New England home of the New England Patriots... hmm too many radio commercials. "Join us for F-night" etc. I'm nearly done with Black Water which isn't bad but like my other experience with Oates, I am left with many unanswered questions that are just thrown out there and leave you wondering. Maybe this one will answer it by the end of the book. I'm in the middle of writing a poem, however I don't have a title for it...though my working title is "Simple Rhythm"...try and figure out what's it about...heehee. It's like all actresses who claim that they would never do a nude scene but will pose for playboy because it was done "tastefully". I hate that. But in life we must all do things that we dislike. It's for that 15 minutes of fame we all want at some point. Oh well...to arms!
Me

I love how things that are trivial in hindsight hold so much weight and prominence while it occurs. And doing so only helps to create even more embarrassment and shame when we look back on the high esteem we've heaped upon it. Unless of course you are above looking back on actions with any emotion. Pehaps you see it as the past, something to learn from and not something to worry over because it's done. "What's done is done" as my mother likes to say. I, however, still cringe at the thought of things that occurred in the past that should have been handled less emotionally. But we creatures (women) are emotional, are we not? One another strain...there is this poem called "The Bean Eaters" by Gwendolyn Brooks from her book The Bean Eaters that I like very much. Here it tis:

They eat beans mostly, this old yellow pair.
Dinner is a casual affair.
Plain chipware on a plain and creaking wood,
Tin flatware.

Two who are Mostly Good.
Two who have lived their day,
But keep on putting on their clothes
And putting things away.

And remembering . . .
Remembering, with twinklings and twinges,
As they lean over the beans in their rented back room that
is full of beads and receipts and dolls and cloths,
tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes. --

That's how I'd like to imagine everyone will come to (though perhaps not as poor)...but with rememberings. And the "twinklings and twinges" recalls the lines I first wrote on holding things in such importance and looking back we twinge and sometimes some memories makes us twinkle. Good good good! I am now reading Black Water by Joyce Carol Oates. I've just read Marya by her and though it was very well written I did not like the work but I'll give her the old college try...haha. I'll keep you posted on how it was. My next book is The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway. I dislike Hemingway from "Hills Like White Elephants" that we are forced to read in every year of high school and so on but maybe this is good? no? I heard it wasn't but I'll say no more til i've given it a once over. Note: You should read everything twice (at least) you miss so much the first time, and you've gone through more that by the time you read a second time you'll find something else to capture you and it's a new book always. The reader reads the book but the book also reads the reader. Wise! haha See y'all soon and be good!
Me

Hmm what to say, what to say...well i've memorized a poem, one called "morning at great pond" by mary oliver. 1983 American Primitive . I've recited it to Rich and of course he's good audience. Also i am considering whether men tell lies in order to get out of something and we women lie to ourselves believing that what he told us is a lie but that he meant more and was in truth elaborately covering up the tremendous pain inflicted upon him if were to tell the truth to us. Meaning that he lied about something because he didn't want to hurt himself! hmm. Sorry, i can't get this out right. This has nothing to do with me and Rich but I see this alot with other people. My friend, who shall remain...you know the deal, believes in her hearts of hearts that her "boyfriend" still loves her but has stayed away because he doesn't want to be "hurt in another relationship" and i believe that all this time that she's pining away for him, he's f-ing another. I must use this phrase (f-ing) because that is the only way you'll understand how crude and dirty he is. Well anyway...once a dog... finish my sentence! Rich and I are just lovely, don't any of you dare feel jealous or hateful or jinxy because we work hard at this! ("i take care of my kids!") (a chris rock reference if y'all don't know). We work well together, but only when he's not hungry. Once he's hungry it's just better to step out of the way. His hunger is like my pms...except he only gets mine at the end of the month and I get it everyday... haha. I have a huge smile on my face because i know it's true. ooh wee 11 more days til harry potter. (i just leapt into another subject gracefully...but there was a slight thud after my foot got caught in something). Anywhoomawhatsit I must to bed! Yes I purposely left out "go". Don't you read? I think Shakespeare. oh the new word of the week "ballsy". I think that's how it's spelled. As in, "that was a ballsy move". I have read Of Mice and Men and Ethan Frome again. Pretty good books. I also learned that you could see the ending of Frome as a happy ending. What's a good ending? one that makes you think or one that makes you say "so what?" And they lived happily ever after.

Me

When will my mother get my cat's name right? It's Soot! I think it's slowly sinking in though. It used to be Soothed, then Soothe, and in my most recent letter it was Sooth which included a post script of "i hope i spelled that right". She'll soon know! I've skipped out on the Race tonight because i had to do a poopoopeedoo. hehe But now with my freshly wiped bum and hands i'm tippity typing on my newly washed sheets. oh my. Well doodledy do i've got to go. (add a second 'o' to end it in a rhyme). See ya folks

Me.

"He is a perfectionist, and that makes it tough to be overweight. " So sorry. I shouldn't be quoting without a source but this i thought was incredibly funny and silly. it was taken from one of the bios of a contestant on the Amazing Race. I thought you might find this amusing as well. Why is it funny and/or silly? I dunno, maybe it's just me. Why is it tough to be overweight and be a perfectionist at the same time? Isn't it that by being one it almost negates the other? This only goes to prove the point that the real problem is an addiction to food!!!! America has neither the knowledge nor the push to understand the true dilemma. See you soon. gotta sleep ooh and Harry Potter is coming soon, JUNE 21ST

Me