Helle-not-so-good

About three weeks ago I fell into some sort of hellish time hole, swam around in a lake of fire, tread through a few groaning, moaning corpse-like beings, made my way through this grinder, came away with a few bones still intact, then had my tongue cut out, which caused my hands to stop typing. I kept moving on and finally found a spoon, a teaspoon to be exact, and scraped my way upward toward the surface, all that time holding in my breath and bodily fluids.

Took about three weeks, I think that might be a world record, I met a few people in there that had been there for 60+ years.

In other news, my diminutive (and by diminutive I mean in stature as well as wholesomeness) sister-in-law might just buy the house next door. I celebrated that news by dunking my cat into the retention pond outside and not letting go until she stopped clawing at me. She's sleeping right now.

Last bit of happiness, I've been suffering from nosebleeds for a few days now and I think it's caused by the tumor, just behind my nasal cavity, whose pressure increases when I tilt my head downward enough to cause my nose to bleed. I cannot wear shoes that need tying and have found that I have gone to work with mismatched socks and can only see the rest of me using my visual periphery or looking in the mirror, which I have given up for lent (looking in the mirror that is).

What was that?
Easter passed?
Oh.