Saturday, March 11, 2006

I miss school so much.

I just received an email from my old alma mater's English dept. asking anyone interested, to submit a paper on: DECONSTRUCTING DISTINCTIONS:
EXPLORING THE INTERDISCIPLINARY NATURE OF LITERATURE AND COMPOSITION STUDIES. Yes, it was written in bold and capitals. It was for the 3rd annual English department grad. student conference.

It's strange the differences I've landed myself in. I used to be around the intellectual/collegiate types and now I'm working a blue-collar, minimum wage sort of fare.

I've also noticed that I'm attracted to things that semi-crazy people, who work for my company, are attracted to as well, but I can't seem to find the link. I was in this Christmas choir and the people who were in that were insane. I once took Rich to one of our rehearsals and he left shaken and scared. Luckily I was one of them or else he would have been torn to pieces. They laughed uproariously at things that weren't even that funny. The madness vibrating through the air was perceptible. And I'm trying out for a new role with the company and that's full of crazy, crazy people as well. Am I crazy? Am I the type of person who would try 8 times to get into something I know I failed at 7 times before? I'm not enthusiastic about the company I work for but I love the jobs that are almost outside of it. That has nothing to do with the work and more to do with fun. Maybe that's the link.

To go back to college, I have to intervene with myself, my college was a blue collar sort of fare. That was what made it good.

I think it's strange that many of the people I work with have college degrees and are on the ball but they stay in the same job, making what they make, for years (10+), never growing, never achieving more. We all get the same benefits and they aren't so grand. Is it because they've settled? Are they afraid? Will I become like that? It just seems so stagnant and a little scary.

But by missing school and wanting to go back to the life where I was stimulated and forced to write often, am I also showing signs of fear and settling? That I don't want to graduate but just keep getting degrees and writing 10 page papers...

Have a good weekend.
Me.
Posted by at

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You would find that even school would eventually get stagnant. You need a new adventure - not an old one.

It never works to go re-live the glory days does it? That sounds like a former high school football star wishing to go back (a la Al Bundy or the uncle from Napoleon Dynamite).

Your task now is to find a new place from which to grow. And a job can be as menial as can be as long as you use the lessons that it teaches and/or grow when you are outside of it.

For instance, you should value all that customer interaction because it is showing you a lot about people - just make sure to pay attention to it.

And writing doesn't have to stop when you leave school. Ben Franklin didn't write in school. Stephen King didn't write in school. You need to get beyond that crutch - because it seems clear that you want to use school as a crutch to get you to write.

What is lacking then is discipline. The discipline to sit down and do what you want. Maybe that is the danger of having controlling parents - you never learn to monitor and discipline yourself. I'd start with learning discipline and then you will be able to do anything you want.

1:48 PM
Anonymous said...

witness the form of our destruction

10:29 PM

Post a Comment