"This Is Nucking Futs!!"


I am an old hispanic man's w. dream. Two cases and a half:

Every time I go through security at my place of employment (I can't mention where I work because they check up on you and by putting "their" name I'll be that more google-able... ) (and they probably don't want their employees mentioning things like this) the guard says to me, "good morning sweetie" and gives me a wink, but he happens to have an accent and it comes out more like "good morning sweaty" and I wonder if he really means the former or since in this blistering heat a walk to the building from the car makes anyone perspire Niagara, he really is more correct with the latter. I also know for a fact that he saves this phrase only for me because he never says it to the old women who walk before me.

Then the other day as I was walking to my locker an older man ahead of me stops to stare and stare at me and so I finally smiled and said "good morning!" and he asks "latina?" and I smiled again and said coyly "Filipina" (those old men like when you flirt around with them, better than being mean and cold, men are more likely to strike back harshly if you put them down) and he said, "you are beautiful" and I looked to the floor "blushingly" and said daintily "thank you" and he says "berry berry beautiful," and then I said laughingly "oh you, just tell that to my husband" (you gotta let em down easy) and he says "you're husband is a berry lucky man, not everyone gets a berry beautiful wife." Then I started laughing and went back to putting things away in my locker.

And I always get the longer than necessary looks and good mornings from the crew that work here.

I swear that in the Aztec, Incan or Mayan jungles, one day when I am on trip to look at them (their structures), I will stumble upon a statue that looks exactly like me. There is a Mayan/Aztec/Incan goddess that bears a striking resemblance to me. Beautiful, brown, big-cheeked and shiny from the dew... or sweat.

Have a berry nice rest of the week.
Me.

P.S. My big cheeks work on small children as well. Strange kids will flock to me just to say hello and stare at my big-cheeked brilliance. Ah-me that's the life of a celebrity. hehe.