Jokes of the Day

Oh before the jokes... there's a new poll!


For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced
each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from
Heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring
you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do
anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel
brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for
the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the
two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking
knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male
statue and said, "Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down
and I'll shit on its head."

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Just to make up for not having any in a few weeks:



A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to
broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their
eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine
cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.

One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers,
more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like
you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.
Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of
cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put
honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the
children was stumped.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your
Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his
mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"


haha.