damn it! it's too damn early for me! It's Saturday!!! No Stern show, f- it!!

It's Saturday, the day of my MTEL's. I only figured out last night that both tests I am taking today are 4 hours long! Ay-ya-yaa! That mean if i take my time on the last test I will be heading home at 5:30 p.m. and I probably wont get home (with traffic) til 6:30. I am up extremely early today just so that I can assist myself to the train station and head over to Harvard Square. I will, on the way, be listening to the Stern show and I must not forget my headphones or else I'll just be a loser sitting alone with a walkman, sans headphones! Well I must admit I am nervous as heck but extremely confident that I will do well, I always do. hmm it's time to head off. Wish me luck world!

Me
p.s. y'all might not hear from me in the next 5 days or so because I will be heading back to NYc and tomorrow it'll be partay time! wooooooo.
same

It's been raining on and off today. Right now it's beautiful, breezy, bright. I just finished watching the movie "They" which is a Wes Craven movie; he made all the nightmare on elm street movies and some others. It was scary and good. Not at all like the not so good ones I've seen recently. If you ever get a chance to watch "Gacy" don't. It's horrendous. I will watch "Donnie Darko" tomorrow. Hopefully that one's better.

Rich's wicked sister is coming tomorrow. His mom's become really ansy and ridiculous again. She is pretentious and uptight the days before, during, and the days after Kelley is here. So far she almost threw a fit for having the old furniture in the living room for Deb to pick up. She insisted that it should be moved to the garage even though it would be so much easier for everyone involved if it stayed in the living room so that it could be moved out into the car through the front door instead of having to move it all the way down a long, steep and narrow flight of stairs (not to mention dangerous) and maneuver it through tight turns. But of course the house can't be cluttered for one day for Kelley. I laughed over the fact that her silly dog scared Jake the cat out of his litter box and forced him to finish his bowel movements in the living room. what would poor old Kelley ever say about the nasty, nasty stains on the rug. She's been scrubbing today. I wonder what next she'll have to complain about. She's been praying for the rain to stop so she could mow the lawn. This is the third time this week. I am only glad to be out of here during this time; I'm going home on Sunday. I have to put up with lovely K for two days and then I'm gone! Freedom! However I will go with a heavy heart because I will be leaving my beloved "Dems" and Soot the cat for days. Hopefully when I return it will only be one more day and K is gone. Damn her. When the day comes Rich and I will have nothing to do with this family, ever. I hope she doesn't decide to throw a fit while I'm here. How can a 33 year old still throw fits? That's why her life is a mess. She has been left by her two fiances, and doesn't even have the common knowledge to know what a sane person is! Her current roommate's nutty, but she's the one who was stupid enough to pick her out of a bunch of people! Now she has to deal with the problem of trying to get rid of her. And she has the problem of having to deal with the house that she purchased with her second failed attempt at marriage. I hope she doesn't do the stupid thing and marry the next guy that comes along because it's obvious that she hasn't learned to find good, decent people yet. And of course she's porbably like many mid-30 year olds out there desperate to start a family and soon enough we'll find out that she's pregnant with a demon's spawn. I predict that in the next two years we will find her either engaged or already married with a baby on the way, and further down the line we will catch her with two kids in the middle of a divorce. It's the way of her mother and father and her other siblings. Rich has been the only one who knew enough not to fall for that trick, however he's like some werewolf who needs to be locked up at every full moon in order for him not to harm others. He is constantly on the watch for any signs. Thank God I have someone who is not blindly going about his business jumping into every puddle and hole that comes his way. He looks both ways before crossing the street. I love Rich's methodical, level-headedness, although sometimes it can be annoying. I only appreciate it after the fact. haha. He knows this. Can you imagine that he and I have been together for nearly 6 years? That's on the first go. Longer than any one in his family on their first go. His dad's been married three times, mom twice, brother twice (probably on his way to a third), other sister (half) has been through a relationship that left her in financial ruin and is now married to a man Rich and I are convinced is gay; he loves croquet and walking about in tight shorts, no shirt, and drinking topless with his male buddies on the lawn. Nothing wrong with that, but you have to meet him. And of course the other one, who's first fiance cheated on her and then told her it wasn't working out, her second who was a mean alcoholic, in love with guns and who is posted on yahoo love matches if you're interested...click here
He posted this up about a week after the break up. He's much fatter than that. But I digress...So hopefully I don't jinx anything with my negative vibes. Rich and I are good together and that's all I care about.

Me

What is it about muggy days that make you just wanna lay in any cool spot and drift off, only to find that the cool spot has been warmed by your body and you have to shuffle to another cool spot? I woke at some time early this morning to the sounds of thunder and rain against the leaves outside my window. It's strange to wake up that way because I immediately knew what it exactly was and was comforted by it. Rich, on the other hand, told me that he needed comforting...silly rabbit. It has been raining on and off this whole entire day. At times the sun would make an appearance and then one again disappear behind the curtain of clouds. It looks as if it may rain again and I feel as if I am loosely bound to the ground and in one wrench i will just float aimlessly towards the sky. I think my cat also feels the same because she keeps digging her claws into the carpet as if she were afraid of flying away. However, I would love to fly up and be unrooted from the hot earth, although always logical Rich would say that heat rises so the higher I go the hotter it will be, and also I would be closer to the sun, although at the moment there is no sun... so much more like Spock's Vulcan side than human, my timid rabbit. Here is a cool site, for those who might want to know more about chinese astrology, i'm a monkey. Go figure out what your mother is...
haha
Me

New post, new post. Sometimes I find myself heading out of the house with some purpose in mind and driving out into the street and everything's so surreal. The streets, the people, the leaves and grass, the greenery, very dreamlike and I start to wonder what the heck I'm doing outside, what the purpose of this existence is and is this foggy mind a sign of some other purpose, other than the menial task I had set out to do, like check my mail, the curtain covering the reality just happened to shift and I am in caught in the blur of the two present times mingling in one another? It's perfect isn't it? The invisible air, colliding or gathering together? to create this wind that surges through the trees and rattling the leaves, ruffling the birds' feathers, sleeping within. The waves are pulled, their ebb and flow controlled by the moon's gravitational pull. The clouds who are moved by this air, colliding or gathering together to create thunderstorms, one mass above us seemingly solid but in reality it's just air, untouchable. And we, at times gather, at times collide to create these thunderstorms of war or rebellion or demonstrations, of parties and gatherings, with one another, against one another, pulled and pushed by forces we cannot see and yet we react just as blindly as the trees, and clouds and feathers. And it all depends doesn't it? It depends where I am for the wind to blow, to be affected. If I were to stand outside the wind doesn't blow through me, but rather above and below and around me, and anything behind me may not feel this air, this force. If I were on the side of the earth where the moon is directly above me then it's high tide. It depends on the path where the clouds are forced where they experience the thunderstorm. I once looked across the ocean and saw the coming thunderstorm from the sunshine under which I stood. It depends whether we war or love, whether we don't give a damn and whether we care what the heck happens to the guy next to us. But for some reason we have drawn away from this simple human emotion of empathy and have wandered into indifference. But it fits, yes? It's perfect. We are but a blink in the world's history and this path that we are following will only lead to our self-destruction because the world/ nature does not need us. We will be like the all those that came before us, in some ways destructive to the world around us and self-destructive. Do you imagine that they perhaps thought themselves as the ruler of the world? "top of the food-chain"? We are dispensable, we do only stand in the way of nature's cycle. We do not do as we should and follow instinct but rather we fight it and believe ourselves to be all-knowing, better, smarter, stronger than that which has been here longer than we have, and who will still be here once we are gone. It's beautiful, in some ways a poetic justice.
Me

You ever have that feeling that someone is looking over your shoulder, reading your every thought, watching your every movement, reading your every blog? hmm...We went biking today, and on our way back, to the car, Rich and I were alarmed to see a trooper waiting in the midst of the trees, we just found out that some dude who supposedly raped a 15 year old girl is hiding out in the woods. A friend of the family, who is a cop, was just in the park, with dogs, hunting for him. Rich and I decided that we'd put off riding bikes tomorrow. Not because of this dude, but because of the the troopies/locals...and because there's a chance of rain. That means mosquitoes. We went into that abandoned building section of the park and were scared out of our wits. For some reason I turned back and caught this darkness seemingly chasing after us. Rich was far ahead of me and I was struggling with the steep uphill climb. I sweated to the climb and to the ominous feeling of something following me. I called to "Dems" to wait up but the wind carried my voice farther back and he kept peddling farther and farther, around bends and down hills until I could just make out the white speck of him in the horizon. Behind me I heard an unearthly howl and I finally sucked it up and let go of all fears and the brakes and sped down hills, with reckless abandonment. Suddenly from somewhere on my right a huge figure out of the corner of my eye emerged from the woods. A blur of black and white, galloping after me. I turned just in time to see the fangs of a rabid collie behind me. From somewhere inside me a scream or prayer burst free and that stopped the dog in mid-track. I blindly pedaled into the grassy area and came to a stop. The dog bounded up barking and ready to attack but I realized it was just trying to be friendly and licked my hand...was this the dark beast following me? Or was it my savior?
Me

On our daily biking Rich and I decided to take a trail unknown to us and found abandoned buildings amidst the forest, there were also paths leading from the buildings. They were covered in grafitti from people who like to leave their marks, very animal like isn't it? We're not that far from them are we? It was eerie, too quiet, too peculiar. Why didn't they tear them down? I dunno, but i wouldn't like to be caught there at sunset. Good thing we go pretty early in the mornings. I would also like to chide the people with dogs who don't keep the park clean, if you catch my meaning. It's not so easy to avoid when you're not great on a bike...haha Maybe it was people without dogs...I even saw what I'd like to call blackberry poo, it was a petrified poo, crusted, dark, and ridged. Yes I am a connoisseur. Speaking of which, my stomach is grumbling which can only be one of two things, the first i've just spoken of and the second, i'm hungry. Try and guess what it is...
Speaking of hungry, my poor fish are swimming around aggravating the other, they must be starved. My fat cat is a few feet from me relaxing at the window watching the dappled ground from the shadows of leaves. So cute. Sometimes she ends up snoozing a little there. My other pet is here, my chihuahua, sleeping and stinky. I don't smell anymore! Let me be much more truthful, I smell less than the previous entry claims. It's strange what water and perfumed fat can do for a lady. My pet, on the other hand, might need a day in this water and fat to even scratch off the surface stink rising off of him. Soon I will awaken him so that we can go about our business in the woods. Today we will endeavor to reach the end of the trail and perhaps find the elusive pond, where the water faeries dwell. They are easily angered so today we must proceed with caution as we near the pond. Even the woodland faeries dare not tread into their wetlands and ponds unless they are in a large group. Who knows, perhaps they will enchant us so that we do not find our way home til the sun sets. I think I've caught one's reflection in the stream that we passed one day. We have been unable to find that stream since. Once I've caught their shrieking in my ears as Rich and I fled from their sacred pond. We were flying downhill and Rich claims it was the wind in my ears, but it was unearthly, this shrieking, with the force of dammed water. Today I will carry a token as offering. It is the wild raspberry that grows within the woodlands' faeries domain, they give it freely but the water faeries cannot travel far from their homes and so they treasure it greatly and will grant free passage to any who carries it, but be sure not to give too much or they will become drunk and stronger than usual and will be able to follow you further than normal. If this occurs then may the gods protect you. Although, I have heard of old tales that tell you that you must touch the nearest birch bark and envoke the name of a woodland faery but I have never been in such dire situation that I never have tried it. This may just be another folklore of the Precians. Besides I am unfamiliar with any of these woodland faeries because they seem so shy and are unwilling to come out. I have caught them laughing and running beside us, winding around the trees, as we rode. When I finally asked Rich to stop, I peered out and found that they had taken the form of fire hydrants. Isn't that strange? How would they ever know what fire hydrants were and isn't that silly to have hydrants in the middle of the woods? haha I started to laugh and I was answered by the trees, from then on I found many hydrants to laugh at. Rich must think me queer, to stop by a hydrant near. But we've miles to go before we sleep, miles to go before we sleep.

I feel as if I've been wrung out and hung to dry still twisted up. I'm sore and everything seems so heavy! This is what I get for ignoring my exercising for the past few months! It's terrible! Sunday night, after biking, I could not sleep, it felt as it my knee tendons were wrenched tight and whenever I shifted in bed it was worse because this pain would flair up and if I left my legs still it would abate but you know how it is when you're really conscious of some part of your body, you just have to keep moving and moving around! ugh! I woke up in the middle of the night to go wee-wee and I almost fell into a heap! My legs would not support me! hmm, I am out of shape! But the next morning I was up and about as if the night before was all a dream...so i was fooled into thinking that I was well and I immediately went with Rich to purchase bikes! Mine is free because of a deal, but I wont get into that. After running around to three stores and back to the second one we bought two bikes and added on a car rack for my car and so that we could plop up the bikes, helmets and a very impatient mother. Rich and I were made fun of because of our height and our kiddy bikes. No one understands that I am not wonderful on a bike so if my feet can touch the ground with my bike I feel much more secure, and the higher up on a bike I am the more I will refuse to ride, so we ended up with these nice, full suspension, closer to the ground, blue bicycles, only to the amusment of the walmart employee who laughed at our cowardice and the fact that we are vertically challenged. Damn, no wonder tall people are much more successful. Don't get me wrong, I'm average girl height but Rich is only two inches taller so that's not saying much, but he's just a cutie like a little chihuahua barking and barking showing off to the bigger dogs... haha just kidding. So we rushed home to set up the rack, grab some lunch, make sure the bikes were to our specifications and tightened a few lugs. And we were off to the park and when we got there we biked a few minutes in when my knee gave up its strong front and I have one question, did they put on hills in the middle of the night from the day before because we traversed some of the same roads and it seemed much more hilly! So before we could get to a destination I had to beg that we head back, only to be imparted with condescencion from my sweet chihuahua, words of "my poor, little, weak thing" and such. Horrible! I have not yet told him how I feel over that. So to home and some salmon and pesto and ice cream. Much better, although I didn't hurt as much as the night before I woke less refreshed and more wrenched and wrung. I am also emitting some sort of smell that's both sour and spicy, no wonder mosquitoes are fascinated by me, like a beacon that searches out passing ships I draw them all to safe harbor. Rich has a similar smell so I don't know who passed it around, chicken and egg sort of conundrum. We decided that our poor bodies: my knee and forearms and his bum needed some recuperation so perhaps a day off hunting out some gel seats. Perhaps a movie to stimulate our mind muscles instead of our gluts. haha see y'all soon. Be good!

Me

My parents have been to see me. They arrived yesterday and stayed overnight and left this morning. I cooked and cooked only to have them pass by where I live and stay for a few measly seconds, note that my dad stayed in the car! I finally sent Mike out with some crab soup in a bowl for him. My brother and I went to watch the silly movie, 28 days later, all I have to say is "don't" then we went swimming in a 78 degree pool, chilly, due to the fact that a few days before it was raining and cold. It was 84 last week. My mother had fun walking on the beach that night and in the morning was walking with Mike at 6 and she was happily digging clams out. When I finally came to say goodbye she was giddy over the size of the clams. (She returned them). I packed them all the food I had cooked and sent them off, having forgotten the poor crab cakes that I had to eat this morning. It was tasty but for some reason they wont hold together. After the send off Rich and I spent some of the morning eating and working with knots, (Rich having just recently bought a knot book). Then we fixed my break lights on my car because they were out and then we decided to head over to a state park near by. Of course I brought my camera and we drove over top speed...we reached it and found a little info hut and some maps that we quickly pocketed. After having made fun of the helmets that the bikers were wearing we headed to see the famous fresh water spring only to have it turn out to be three faucets on the wall of a little shack...we then had the brilliant idea of bringing his parents' folding bicycles back to the park and go biking around. So another trip back and forth and we were ready to ride these brilliant little clown bikes. It was wonderful!! I was bitten none stop by species of bugs I had never laid eyes on and one actually tried to lay its eggs in my eye. We went around for three hours on trails that wound throughout the forest and finally made our way back and home. I immediately fell into a dreamless sleep and awoke two hours ago with a horrible soreness in my legs and arm having not been exercising for the past few months! I am in pain! hahaha. was it worth it? Of course! Rich and I are even inspired to perhaps purchase bicycles. He looked into some decent, relatively cheap bikes that maybe we'll eye tomorrow. Why have we never been to this park in the 5 years that I lived here? It's almost right across the street! oh dear. well I'll see y'all soon and take care.

Me

Network's slow tonight. I had to switch from internet radio to regular radio. Problem is the commercials. Sex in the city is on tonight. I think Charlotte's cute and yet a bit desperate. Sam is, well Sam is. Carrie is adorable with her Berger obsession/ high school crushin. Miranda, what's wrong with you? It is hot and humid here in NE, everything is wilting, including me. Last night I went swimmin in the pool and felt good but then it was back to sweating the night away. ugh. I can't see why people move to Florida. Although...i wouldn't mind moving to Hawaii... heehee. It's so hot I'm just procrastinating. I haven't done anything today but sleep and eat! Maybe I'll go swimming tonight as well so that I can be motivated to do something...hmm I doubt it though. I'm so lethargic! I'm studying for the mtel and today Rich and I went to buy a review book and I fell asleep to the vocabulary review section doing the drills. I will be taking my test on July 26 and I only have a few weeks to study instead of the ideal 8 weeks. I signed up late. I'm pretty confident over the Literary and Communications section but I have to take the English exam and I have to admit that I am intimidated...i saw a sample test for it and I wasn't sure I could answer the questions. haha hopefully this review book will give me some help.

Whoa! Almost a week since I've last written? Time is sure going by quickly. I'm reading Memoirs of a Geisha and so far it's pretty good. I only have 100 pages to go. I am expecting more dynamic things to occur but so far it's almost "boring" but then it would be cliche if the things that I thought would happen happened. I'm pmsing or so Rich claims. Is it pms or is he just a dumb-butt at certain times of the month? I go for the latter theory.. haha try and figure that one out. mmm i love this feeling that things are finally picking up, except for the fact that horrible Kelley is coming at the end of July but I will (hopefully) not be in town. She is just horrid. Picture the most meanest, self-centered, insecure brat and you'll have just a draft of Kelley (tip of the proverbial iceberg). I pray that she will never marry or spawn demon children because they will only be double the person she is and that's two negatives making a positive! oh you know what I mean. If we go with this theory that people are worse than their parents were, and she's a truly horrible person, can you just imagine her mother? Linda is also insecure and self-centered and she's raised someone worse. Everyone has a tad of self-centeredness within them, if we didn't we'd be saps, but I guess someone must have tipped in too much in her mold. It's not just those two either, Linda prefers to be surrounded by them! She has a friend named Pam who, yesterday on the annual 4th of July party, after she had been told that they would end the party early because they had another engagement decided she was too good for that little rule and spent close to three hours longer, after the time specified because she felt like it. ew...sometimes i wonder if Rich is any better and what does this say about me for being with him... sort of like the song "I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad", can you imagine? he must see something about his mother in me! please! haha. see y'all real soon. one day when I'm no longer in the situation I will write a scathing novel on the "demry" family. maybe I'll be "too good" by then that I wont even see it as the experience that it is now. maybe I'll even laugh over it...

Me