ooh wee....damn it's yuck. it's so humid and i hate this fan on my window constantly blowing air on my face! I also can't hear myself think. Undying brrrsshhh and i keep waking up and having to wipe the drool running down my face into my hair. This is what it's like to be sick. Although it's more like allergies. A lot of sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat? Man my throat is bad, i can barely speak this morning. Do you think lemons and warm tea would help me out? Or maybe the ever famous, gargling solution of warm water, salt and vinegar. Don't drink it! Well the time is ticking away and so i too must get ticked off. haha...i mean, i too must away. hmm well later kids and kiddies. (god damn fan)

Me

Well, I've had quite a week. I have a slight sore-throat, but we wont get into that. All i know is that my ricola is coming in handy! I've had sightings of ill-bred, silly people in the last few days. Oh did you know that the letter "z" is pronounced "zed" in England and Canada? I was informed by some guy. haha. Well just keeping this short today because i have bigger and better things to attend to. My dad should be home today, or is that tomorrow? Gotta run. oh and Goethe is pronounced Gerter or Ger-ta. see y'all and take care now ya hear?
Me

Mary has the same sized cans as Marilyn Monroe...i thought that was how that song went, but i finally realized it was "hands", only when i heard the mention of Manns Chinese Theater. Now i know and knowing is half the battle. I have to shower cause i'm a stinkypoo. mmhmm. My Richie likes his women pungent. Ripe is more the terminology. No wonder the dog was all over me today. She wouldn't stop. She especially liked my feet. She couldn't get enough. That bitch. I want something else, to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life. Listening to my itunes...cause i'm coo like that, cause it's the elitist spirit coming through this ever humble veneer. I had a roast beef, cheesy sub. Tasty but really oily. I gots ta cut bak! It's all this spending time in the Boogie down bronx that's makin me write like this...or maybe it's just too many flip blog reading. Woop-woop flip pride! Flip independence day parade! yup yup. haha I love this ethnocentricity, if we didn't have it then there would be no one to make fun of. Slashdot everyone. Lubs y'all
Me

hey all, came back from jonkers yesterday. did a few things while i was there too. I saw identity and it was pretty good. i also got to hang around my coz-in(s), twas quite an experience. theys all real coo. i also got to hang with other friends and peeps. i think i'm coming down with sumthin though. hmm. right before i write i always have alot to say but now that i'm actually tippity-typing not a thing comes out. anyway, had fun, as usual. except my bro was somewhat jerky, maybe that's just cause we spent too much time together. what's up with the competitive spirit? i dunno. anyways, i had a great time overall. gotta run...where? no where special, just to dreamland. mm hmm. nite nite y'all
Me

Sittin aroun and listenin to Howard, though at the moment i turned it off because what's up with the 20 minute commercials? Anywayz, i'm gonna see the Matrix Reloaded today with my hubby. haha Okaaay.... I heard that the movie wasn't great, too much action not enough plot. Also that it was boring. My cat is tense, straining to look out the window. I think she has spotted a little, fat, gray squirrel that likes to tease her and dance outside the window. Maybe she thinks that the squirrel is a long, lost relative. Both are little, chubbed and gray. Sooty even has a tiny white spot. So tyoote. Nice day today but it's hard to feel comfortable when i'm spillin out of my clothes, especially this goddess shirt. haha. hmm like human like cat. Soot's got chub in all the right places! and rich claims it's muscle... so it's gonna be a good day! I need money! yikes, gotta go.


Me

omigod! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh school is over! i haven't felt like this since high school. hold me now i'm six feet from the edge and i'm thinking, maybe six feet isn't so far down! i have my web radio blasting! wooooohoooo. i didn't even feel this good when i graduated college. mmm tuddles. heehee jesus freaks... rulen da worldz wut wut lalalalalalalalalalala maybe more later when i'm decent and legible

me

it's gosh darn cold up heah in New England. It is only in the upper 40's but the weather is likely to go up to 80 in 3 days! isn't that amazing? i hope this fluctuation wont kill my ever so precious strawberries. Damn it's good to know that school is over for a while! I sure as hell wont be killing my poor sweet self over the summer. oh there's my cat rub-a-bunchin the filing cabinet. speaking of filing cabinets...oh and my poor fish are dying in their algae encrusted tank! i really must put this weekend to some use and some good ole fashioned spring cleaning is what the doctor ordered. good thing they wont be around! whew! one more day of school and then some time to breathe a little, before the wheel starts churning once again. Life is an endless cycle of doing and not doing and even sometimes a little undoing. good thing for doo-ahns! heehee. okey! feeling good! see ya'll soon.

Me

Some time ago I decided that i would earn a meager living by writing. So far this hasn't been the case. I have not yet pursued the path to becoming the author of the great American novel, however I am slowly treading my way through the muck in search, as Sir Galahad has done, of the holy grail. But not only to try but in trying also succeed.

it's a rainy day, however it would be a great rainy day if it were only warmer. I dislike cold, May, rainy days. I thought the saying was "April showers..." well maybe it's trying to make up for the lack of showers in April. Well my strawberry plants will now get the rain that they have so desperately needed and i am planning to fertilize them when the weather is dry. By fertilize i mean miracle-gro, not the other kind of fertilizer that i flush down the toilet, or the kind my cat likes to wrap with blue crystals. I am feeling great! One last week of school left! As i go through the motions of school and classes, the very idea of sitting there listen to people jabber is getting old. I need the summer off so that i can again relish the act of looking interested at someone else's over-opinionated, self-centered, silly comments. Yep, i'm feeling dandy. I'm planning to get through all those books on my top shelf before this summer is through (there's about...25?) oh and of course the long awaited Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Book V of the series! mmm Harry Potter. ooh gotta go, my laundry is calling me... but before i go, here's something that'll make your day...
http://www.clickpix.de/horses.htm
Signing off...it's
Hellegood

"I want to be happy, but I wont be happy, til I make you happy too". That was one of those songs on a commercial...ooh, on my ibook they have a new version of itunes and i can purchase music for 99/100 cents and can burn cds or whatever...isn't that awesome? Haha...i'm an ibook virgin, but not for long...i'm learning some tricks. Like playing with the software and working with the hard drive. And I always have to be careful to apply protective measures to insure that i don't catch viruses! it's great but once i start foolin with it it's hard to stop.

Signing off...it's
Hellegood

Last post...too long huh? so sorry...i got the jist of it doing that scanning method they teach you at school. I remember when I took my SATs in May. It was drizzly that day and I was impatient and somewhat upset with my friends who were supposed to meet me at 7:30 at the front of the school. They came much later...hence my derangement....haha. After the hours of analogies and arithmatic I met my friends outside and went for some pizza. Then we hung out at my house and played some Tomb Raider. That's all I have to say...i'm keeping it short to make up for the last blog. Forgive me

Signing off...it's
Hellegood

I haven't read this yet but i got it through email and firgured that by posting it here i would be forced into reading it. I thought the title/concept might be interesting...if you read it first, tell me what you think.

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles.

It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look ! at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.

If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.

There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure! and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom endlessly.